The everyday suffering of so many, inflicted to them by so few, has to stop!
Every time a person hurts another one and says something next, the offended person engraves the fact into an engram. So, it is enough to cause pain and speak over and over again. This is a good method of torture (and the most used everywhere). Also, it is an efficient way of obtaining control over another person whoever he is. He becomes a very obedient and subservient person. He knows how much suffering will have to face by not obeying.
As everything works in two ways, the inverse procedure is also effective. The hangman makes either a negative comment or strong- ly criticize or blame and he feels a huge pain. An emotional pain. His biochemical is altered to a worst condition. The neuro- transmitters that produces the state of happines and welfare, as serotonin and dopamine come to a very low level and he goes into a condition of depression. Unless the victim reacts, the daily repetition of blames and negative comments drives he toward a condition of very deep depression. But the victim usually does not react, because most of times he is not even aware of what is happening.
Day after day, year after year, time after time, the victim becomes so very depressed and impaired that he can not hear the voice of his hangman anymore. Just hearing that voice causes him a huge pain. Have you ever heard this screaming phrase? “I CAN’T HEAR YOUR VOICE ANYMORE!!! This scream shows that the relationship between the persons involved is going from bad to worse. Also, it is a cry for help. Thougths of suicide arouse at this time. He is just a step far from suicide. Every year, almost one million persons commit suicide in the whole world. Just in the city where I was born (Sao Paulo/Brazil) an average of forty thousands are related every year.
Everyday, everytime, everywhere
How many marriages and friendships are broken every single day because of these procedures? Sometimes the hangman, not satisfied by being so bad, tries to solve the problem by sending the victim to a psichiatrist. It is obvious that the hangman is the problem, but there are some cases when he is not aware about how bad his conduct is being toward the others. In most of cases, the victim is named by depreciative words like lazy, weak, coward, loser and many others. Day after day the violence is reinforced.
I have used the word hangman because I haven’t found a better one. This word transmits the idea of a man, but so many women do it, too. It could be a mother to his son or daughter, a wife to her husband, an employer to her workers or even worst: a woman to her mother or grandmother, father or grandfather. This happens everyday, everywhere. In every family.
How can we escape from these situations? How can we become aware of our difficulties? Knowledge is the answer. Transactional analysis is a worthy subject to study. So are the psychological games. Studying, reading books about human behaviour, This is what will really help us. Not religion. If religion was good to bring understanding to us, there wasn’t so many quarrels, fights and breakups among good people. They would be all in peace, not in pieces.
Some people would say: dialogue is the solution, but you can not maintain a dialogue with a stupid person, specially if he has the skills of playing dramatic games. If you don’t understand the games that people play, you will never reach a good sense in a discussion. Again, knowledge is the answer and will be always the answer for the lack of dialogue. Knowledge is good for both sides, even if the person in one side is hardly narrow minded, one of them should be the first to move himself toward the solution. Solutions do not fall from skies.
I myself have faced similar situations in many circumstances of my life. Like many others I’ve had huge suffering. I was able to feel that something was wrong, but never knew what. Most of times I never wasn’t able to find the right words to reply, so, I’ve got used to be quiet. Sometimes I used to start a quarrel, using heavy and dirty words with no effective results. Some persons have good skills in ‘winning argues’. As a matter of fact, this is their only goal when a disagreement occurs: to win the discussion, not to find a solution. To win a discussion, they use all types of sordid arguments including self blaming, self victimisation, sarcasm, irony, insults and many other available resources.
Recently, I started to study several matters as psychological games, transactional analysis, biochemistry, human behavior, engineering of consent, origins of the religions, and much, much more. My capacity of finding the right words has increased a lot. Now I know what to say and when I do have to say. Persons who were my ‘hangman’ are now good friends of mine. And they have learned a lot with me.